Monday, October 5, 2009

I've never seen Mom cry...

This event has been hard on all of us. To watch someone deteriorate and die is a terrible, incredibly emotional process. But, I'm glad to have known my Grandmother before the disease took over. I'm grateful that she loved my mother, uncles and aunts enough to show them how to love their children.

I have yet to see my Grandfather. I can't imagine being married for 57 years and then one day your partner is gone. Isn't that nearly unfathomable? I'm 30 years old. And the only people I have known for all 30 years are my Mom and Dad. My sisters were not yet born so I've known them slightly less than 30 years but I've known Mom, Dad and senior members of the family my entire life.

Mom is 56. That means she's had her mother for 56 years. This is the only life she knows. She doesn't know life without her mother. I'm tearing up now thinking about this, what this all means. One day, my Mom will pass. What will that be like for me? I can't bear to think about it.

I have never seen my mother cry.

I've been trying to think of events but I can't. I just don't ever remember seeing my mother cry. I know she cries because my aunts have told me they've seen her in that vulnerable moment, but I've never seen it. I've seen my Dad cry once--when his father died. It's interesting to think of your parents crying.

My sister called me from the hospital to tell me Grandma died (Sis in the hospital is another story). Mom was sitting with my sister when Granddad called to tell her the news. Sis said she just broke down. I'm very grateful my Grandfather was with his wife when she passed. That's so important to me.

Sis called me asked me to meet Mom at the house so she wouldn't be alone.

When Mom drove up she was was odd to see her cry. I told myself I wouldn't cry and I didn't.

I hugged Mom for a long time and told her not to hold it in, just let it out. And she did. I just kept hugging her.

When she calmed a bit I said:

Me: Mom, Sis told me what you told Grandma before she passed. I'm glad you did that.

Mom: Yeah, people have been telling me that sometimes parents stay alive through pain because they're worried about their children. I wanted her to know we would be okay. I'm glad I went to the hospital to see Grandma before going to see your sister.

Me: Yeah, me too. What did you say to Grandma?

Mom: I told her that she's been a great Mom and that it's ok to go because she's done a great job raising us and we'll be ok.

Me: Wow, Mom, that was a great thing to say. She did do a good job raising you guys. Except for Uncle Fred...he's questionable.

Mom: HA HA HA HA HA! You so silly!

I've seen Mom laugh many, many times. I'm glad to have made her laugh in that moment.

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